The use of Superlatives as an Ego Booster and Ego Buster

When I started teaching ESL (English as a Second Language) in Italy I found myself fascinated by the psychology behind words. It became so clear to me that language is an expression of cultural conditioning. The older the culture, the more complex and profound the use of words are.

For example, when I lived in Parma I used to hear people saying "cavolo!" in the same way that in English we say, "darn!". Cavolo means cabbage. Italian culture is very much influenced by food so it used to make me chuckle when a frustrated person would exclaim, "cabbage!" In French the very same word, "chou" is used as a term of endearment like "sweetie" in English. I grew up in a French speaking household and my parents used to call each other "my cabbage" which, at the time, definitely made me think they were a little weird.

ESL  lessons about superlatives such as "the most amazing", "the most fantastic", "the most beautiful" and "the best" were my most interesting lessons because people tend to love extreme words just as many love extreme sports and anything that gives the body an adrenaline rush. These are the positive superlatives, but there are also the negative ones to consider such as "the worst", "the ugliest", "the dumbest" etc. which also puts a heavy load on the experience via the spoken word.

As a yoga teacher I learned to observe the way people use language since language is a way to express the ego. I once read that having the ability to speak several languages gives the ego various means of expressing itself. I think it's true. I have spoken several languages in my life three of which I decided to hang on to for that very reason. My favorite language of all is Italian because it allows me to express the passion I feel without adding any excessive emotion to the words. The emotion is innate and already integrated in the words. Many of my Italian students liked learning English for the exact opposite reason. The English language is more succinct and to the point. It's dry and precise. So by learning English they get to express this other side of themselves which the Italian language has little of. Italian is the language of the heart and with its rolling "r's" and double consonants both of which you need to pronounce (ie. mamma- you need to hold the first "m" for a second or two before pronouncing the second "m") accentuate the meaning of the word that is spoken.

Very often the use of superlatives is a way to market a thought and condition people to think in a certain way. In yoga you learn to think for yourself and observe what you are listening to with a more critical ear. The use of superlatives is a great place to begin mostly because one person's "amazing" may not be another person's cup of tea. At times superlatives are used to convince people of an idea even if we do it unconsciously. Some people need to convince others to go their way and other people need to be convinced by others.

Fun Film Super-latives!

After having lived in Los Angeles for 11 years my tolerance for Hollywood hype had diminished drastically. I had developed an intuitive ability to see through the hype and evaluate the value from a detached point of view. Most of the time the product did not merit the superlatives used to create the hype.  At times superlatives are used to describe people such as actors. "She was amazing!" He was "brilliant!" The movie "stunk!" I would get my own point of view and think well, what if I don't think she was so amazing? Does that make me wrong because I didn't buy into the hype?

It's very hard to stand up for your own point of view when a massive wave of superlatives washes over the collective consciousness. I can think of many historical events that occurred based on one person's or groups convictions and the use of superlatives.

When you think about it superlatives are mainly used to boost or damage the ego. In spirituality it is said that if you do not accept a compliment then you will not have to accept criticism either because you have stayed detached from either opinion. But the moment you accept, "you are the best!" then someday you're going to have to accept "you are the worst" from someone who doesn't agree that you're the best.

Using superlatives is fun and exciting but since they have a very strong element of conviction within them, the karmic energy can also be high. In essence using superlatives in your speech does not give space for another to freely create an opinion. This loss of freedom of another, will then have to find balance in another way. On the other hand, if two people with strong superlatives do not agree there will be a power struggle. For example, award shows can cause such struggles since only the best of the best are competing. Opinions after all are all ego based.

When a person no longer needs approval because the ego has been healed the use of language changes. The adrenaline rush that creates the use of superlatives diminishes because inner peace requires neither. The yogi becomes an observer of life and accepts everybody's ideas for what they are even if they are not what is necessary to be happy.

When we know we are enough exactly as we are and we no longer have to spend all our energy pleasing others to be loved, we find less need to use superlatives and comparatives, for everything is exactly as it should be and is perfect as it is.

Ego boosting is necessary mostly when there has been damage done to the ego in the first place. Insecurity will require positive superlatives to help give low self esteem an ego boost, while someone who has too much ego and is too sure of themselves will attract the opposite, and will find ego busters, the negative superlatives, to bring them back down to level again.

Ideally we should strive for a healthy and balanced ego and nurture the same in children so they won't go looking for superlatives to make them feel worthy. Finding real inner value does not require a flashing star of approval to blind us into believing we are good. What is real is usually hidden in the least flashy of all places which is why it is said that the soul is hidden within the heart. However, if you like compliments overdone in superlatives just know that it is your ego you are feeding and therefore, it is also an illusion.

Namastè.

for a list of superlatives visit this link.