Time, Expectations and Karma

The last six months have been incredibly amazing. Of course the word "amazing" can be interpreted in many ways depending on what one thinks is actually worth calling "amazing". "Amazing" things have happened to me many times over maybe simply because nothing really ceases to "amaze" me.

When I came back to Sardinia in June 2010 I really couldn't begin to imagine what to expect from life on an island. I returned mainly to get to know this beautiful Italian island more intimately but also to get to know a special someone a little more intimately too. I knew I would be exploring the natural gems Sardinia has to offer which really inspired me since I love travelling, but my special someone also had other plans in mind. This is how life's magic works when you wear rose colored glasses that makes most everything appear to be "amazing."

With these rose colored glasses I fulfilled yet another travel dream, but my special someone helped me realize some bigger dreams. The ones that require patience, support and determination.

Going back a bit, I became a certified yoga teacher in 2009 after practicing with various teachers all over the world since I was 21. That's like, 21 years ago, wow, time flies... so I knew it was time for me to put into further practice everything I had learned. However, to be honest, I never expected to become a full-fledged yoga teacher mainly because I know how hard it is to get something going - especially on an island. Maybe this is why I am constantly amazed: I generally have few expectations since expectations have often led to disappointment. Living without expectations has really freed me and has taught me to live more happily not just with myself but also with others. I might also add that becoming a yoga teacher was never in my plans let alone being a teacher. I don't think I would have ever been bold enough to say that I could teach yoga, a practice that, when done properly, can transform and elevate people's lives. I don't know that I was being humble by any means, just that I didn't think of myself in that way.

Well, last summer a lovely friend and colleague took the initiative to get me to teach yoga on the beach, and I accepted. A small group of us practiced morning and night and each time, I found myself in awe of the spectacular sunrises and sunsets in Alghero. I was also in awe of the many kind and gentle-hearted people that came to practice with me. Every time we practiced I exclaimed with joy at the wonder of life, and constantly gave thanks for all the gifts I was receiving.

Then in the Fall I began teaching at a holistic medical center in Alghero. At first it was just a few lessons and a handful of students, some of whom had studied with me before and a few who were new. Now, nearly six months later, about fifty students come to attend one of the six different lessons that have come to life at the center. From "Divine Yoga" to "Yin Yoga" and everything in between as the themes change for every lesson. The lessons last an hour and forty minutes and during this sacred time, everyone in the class enters into a divine space that has made my life an absolute pleasure-filled existence.

This good karma, for which I am immensely grateful for, did not come without effort. The road was not paved for me because there was no road. I had to find it by beating down a rough bush and many delusions from the Hindu Goddess of Illusion herself, Maya, who often obscured my vision and made my way through windy roads and unknown destinations an arduous challenge. But here I am. Now. In the Light. The real Light, not some flashy neon fake immitation but the real light of true bliss. And it was worth every heartache one encounters attempting to make it out of the dark night of the soul.

Time really has no, well, "time" because while the present is a result of the past, the past also makes its way into the present. This came as a surprise to me a few days ago while I was taking an afternoon nap and was jolted awake and bolted out of bed with a new mission on my hands: to publish my book.

Going back a bit further now, ten years ago everything changed in my life. I was married and living in Los Angeles. I had two cats I loved dearly and many good friends I still hold dearly in my heart. But destiny is well ... destiny and it was time to go. Where? Well, first it was Paris and then Rome and then Perugia and then Oxford and then... it went on for five years, travelling that is. It was exciting and adventurous but all I kept thinking about was home. The concept of "home" had completely changed for me. I no longer had a home and had suddenly become a traveller and then a nomad going wherever I could find work.

It would take nearly a decade for me to understand that the "home" I was desperately searching for to replace the home I had lost in L.A., was not a physical home but the home one finds in the Light, when one stops searching for answers, stops hurting from unsatisfied desires, stops repeating the madness of the ego mind and steps into self-illumination.

Quite honestly, I live without thinking much about whether what I do is interesting to others or not. I just do what feels right to me as I would imagine most others would do as well. My concept of success is, I have realized, very different from what people would expect from me. In fact, success is very one pointed and I tend to think in abstracts, so I guess you can say my definition of success is open to interpretation. So publishing this book really wasn't an objective for me, just as teaching yoga was never on my mind.

My deepest desire is to serve honestly and transparently, and this I try to do by teaching yoga and doing energy healings. On the other hand, my greatest alert is self-gratifying goals, especially the kind that seem too eager to please. But I have learned to trust, and so I trusted that perhaps there is a greater purpose in publishing my book that I may not be aware of ... yet. It was not an easy decision to make because I have learned to avoid hype and all energies that are hyper active. I simply prefer stillness over busyness, quality over quantity, intimacy over entertainment, and always less than more. But life has given me all the flavors to explore fully so that I could better understand those who would one day become my students.

The book is called "Ode to Elliott" and it can be found here: http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/ode-to-elliott/14959422. Ten years have passed and new roads have now been paved. There are passages in life when one can clearly draw a line between one period and link it to another. This book marks one of the most important transitions in my life, the one from the unknown into the known, the one from the dark into the light, and the one from the end of innocence into the beginning of wisdom. The follow up story that began in 2005 is in the works...

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