Pushing Buttons

At times we wonder why certain people push our buttons while others don't. I had the great fortune of getting an enlightening insight about it this morning, as someone who has pushed my buttons most of my life, did it again! This time however, I tried to understand why such an instant can so easily destabilize an otherwise harmonious and peaceful environment.

I think it has to do with power, and as usual, both parties are responsible for their use of personal power. The reason a button is pushed is because one of the parties is abusing their power, while the other party is giving away their power.

How this works is mostly based in self-confidence or the lack thereof. A person who is insecure may abuse their power mainly because they are in fear of not being able to get what they want. On the other hand, a person who is too trusting may give away their power in the hopes that they will be treated properly.

The bottom line is: people want what they want.

I came to terms with this when I stepped back and looked at my own reaction to the button pusher, and how the argument that occured was the same old argument that is quite old by now. What I realized was that I trusted this person and this person abused their power. Why? Because we wanted different things. We want what we want causes power struggles. Allowing each other to have what they want without engaging in a power struggle, is being enlightened.

There is nothing wrong with trusting people even if they do abuse their power. Understanding why is the key to overcoming issues that repeat themselves.  Because it is much more painful to shut down our ability to live freely, than in fear of psychologically abusive people. And to live freely is keeping our power.

Unfortunately, when we feel powerless, we tend to manipulate people and situations to get what we want. We know that this form of interaction is on the low end of the scale of human exchange that can cause much harm in relationships. But if at least one person becomes aware, then the situation can change.

In my case, I realized that I had unconsciously accepted that this person had power over me. They knew this and abused their power, maybe also unconsciously, but regardless, by the turn of events I was silently told, "you can't trust me." And that is what destabilized the otherwise harmonious and peaceful environment.